I’ve been wrestling with myself on how to write about this, and even though I’ve finally got down to it, I am still unsure. I guess I’m just going to take this one as it comes.
About 10 days ago my grandfather gave me an old camera. A Ricoh AF-7. Yes, this camera uses film and doesn’t have a digital screen, yet I find this camera more valuable than any new top range model you can find at the most expensive shop. This is because the camera belonged to my Nan.
It has only been 70 days since she passed away, but it honestly feels like a lot longer. It’s always sad to say goodbye to a loved one, however this death brought with it happiness too. My gran had been suffering with the aftermath of a stroke for about 4 months and it broke our hearts to see a once active, independent and spirited lady, bed-ridden and consistently dependant on someone else.
At 77, Nan had lived a long and well-spent life. She was one of the most amazing ladies I have ever had the privilege of knowing. She had more friends than most people could even dream of, and she was the best friend anyone could ask for. A kind friend, a brilliant daughter, a great sister, a caring mother, a loving wife and an absolutely amazing grandmother.
I remember whole holidays spent at their house in Clarens, in the Free State. It was mine and Wayde’s home-away-from-home. And what a place to have grown up with. Nan and Grandpa knew everyone and everyone inevitably loved them to bits. I remember my 65-year-old Nan getting down in the dirt to play marbles with us, and absolutely thrashing us. I remember her wonderful sense of humour. I remember pudding nights, where all we ate for dinner was dessert. Instant pudding, jelly, ice-cream, trifle, cake and all the sprinkles we could want. I remember the special placemats she had especially for her grandchildren. I remember bedtime stories out of her big red book. I remember the nicknames she had for the 4 grandkids. I remember waking up every morning for tea with biscuits on the little silver trays (and the white-grey one with flowers for Wayde) and looking at Mount Horeb from the patio with the best view in Clarens. I remember my “Rose Room” and Wayde’s “Us Kids Room”. I remember sitting in the tree house that Grandpa had built for us, and hearing Nan below telling us to use the pulley to bring the lunch she had made us up to where Wayde and I were sitting. I remember star-gazing before the little town was built up, so we could see thousands of stars. I remember Nan always hiding little presents under our pillows when we visited. I remember building snowmen with her in Clarens. I remember…
There are an infinite number of memories with my Nan, the greatest lady in the world. There is also the memory of Wayde and I rushing into the ICU in Novemeber, after a 4 hour drive in the rain, to see my Nan in the bed. And she looked terrible. Her speech was terrible and you could barely hear what she was saying. And her first words to Wayde were, “Why’d you drive so far? Now you have to get your car serviced.” In times of despair, she still held onto her humour.
And that is typically Nan. After the night we thought she wouldn’t pull through, she stayed with us for 4 more months. She was so stubborn and she was determined to stay a little longer.
On her last day with us, she stopped breathing. But again, she couldn’t go without saying goodbye. She pulled through , but she knew she only had a couple of hours left with us. She told each of us that she loved us and that we shouldn’t be sad. She knew that Jesus was coming for her and she was at peace with that. A couple of hours later, the most amazing woman had left us.
I pray that I will never forget her faith in the Lord, kindness towards friends and strangers and her unending love for her family.
This brings me back to the camera. The camera that made me think back to all the captured memories in my mind. There are already some photos on film and it has now it has been left to me to finish the roll. What on earth is on there already? If anything at all? And how can I use this camera to honour my Nan’s life?
I feel as if this is one of the last material things that my Nan has left her family, and I want to finish it with justice.
I still have no clue how to use it, but I pray to find the answer soon. She has given me so much, and in a way I see this as giving back to her.
When I find the answer, I will let you know.
And so to a Nan that I will never forget… I love you with my whole heart.
