Twenty-Thirteen

2013 has definitely been the year of lessons, knowledge and realisations. While I have been blessed enough to be able to study the thing I am most passionate about – the human body – this is secondary to the lessons I have learned about life.

I have learned to manage time effectively... Not for the sole reason of getting work done, but rather to spend more time doing the little things I enjoy.

I have learned the importance of sleep. While I CAN manage to get through a day on 4 hours sleep regularly, I have realised that it is a sub-existence. It has caused more unhappy moments than it has produced productive hours.

I have learned to look for the positive in all situations. Harsh words, whether intentional or not, can be a catalyst for massive, GOOD change in life.

I have realised the importance of exercise. Not only for health, but for a good, happy attitude.

I have learned that whatever you do, no matter how good, or smart, or passionate you are, YOU WILL FAIL AT SOME POINT.

I have realised that this is okay.

“Fall down seven times, get up eight.”

I have learned that no matter how tough your day is, good friends can make it better.

I have accepted that I do not know everything, and it is okay (read: ADVISABLE) to ask for help. Pride is a man-made trap.

I have learned to work your bum off at the beginning of each year. This eases end-of-year stress.

I have seen (as I always do) that family really is there for you, no matter how much you take your terrible day out on them.

I have learned that something as simple as traffic can change your outlook on life. Avoid it at all costs.

I have managed things that I never thought possible. If it seems impossible, try it anyway. And try again after that. And try until you do manage.

I have seen a glimpse of how fallible we are as humans. I have realised how lucky I am to be alive, healthy and able. I will not waste this blessing.

I have (briefly) seen that I live in a world oblivious to how so many people struggle. I have realised that many of them don’t even count it as a struggle. My view on what a happy life is, is not shared by many.

And most importantly, I have learned to never, under any circumstances, open Youtube while studying... Not even for an educational video.

Something Different

Indeed different.
Not hugely significantly, but different nonetheless.

I decided that I got sick of staring at that old background... It actually started to put me off, so I can only imagine what it was like for you guys. So, I've this one a bit more personal. It is a picture of some friends and I, sitting in a bathtub, in Clarens. We went away there for a week these holidays and it was just what I needed. A nice break from the hustle and bustle of city life. That being said, it can be said with confidence, that I am ultimately a city girl.

I am hoping that by personalizing my blog a little bit, I'll begin to post a bit more, just to keep it up to date.

The second difference in this blog post, and it will not affect you readers in the slightest, is the fact that I am typing this straight into the Blogger Post Box, and not in Microsoft Word first. Yes, it's a boring fact for you guys, but it just seems so odd to me. I couldn't tell you why I did it this way even if I wanted to.

Anyway, a quick catch-up session for those who would like to know.
I'm finished with First Year Medicine (I have officially passed -YAY) and I'm off to Med School Campus next year! I am beyond excited. But a little apprehensive too. I get to start studying the stuff that truly interests me and not just the preliminary stuff. I also get a cadaver (for those that don't know, it is a human body that we dissect in order to learn more about our anatomy and physiology). That alone has me on the edge of my seat and champing at the bit. That also has me apprehensive. I have no clue how I'll react to cutting open a dead body. I think that could go either way for me. Either I'll become very scientific about it, or very emotional. For my sake, I'm hoping for the former.
The other hurdle next year is the inconceivable workload. Everyone says that Second Year is the big one to get through. I'm very excited to sit my ass down and graft. These holidays are turning out to be far too long, and my brain is turning to mush. I'm ready to be productive again.
Like a proper little nerd, I've started to look at textbooks and such. Don't judge.

In regards to my last post, I am keeping up fairly well with my resolve. I've started to use social networking less and less frequently. I don't often 'chat' on BBM or Whatsapp anymore. It's nice to leave a room and not feel the urge to take my cellphone with me. I've realised that if someone wants to chat to me, they can wait for my reply (when I AM ready) or, if it's desperate, they can phone. It's not meant to sound rude. It's meant to be me taking back my life from those dastardly machines.

What else? I think I might start posting song lyrics on here as I feel like it. I'm not sure yet. If I do, it will be songs that actually mean something to me.

Also, I've realised that I've constantly used this blog to post about the heavy, 'deep' topics. It will become a lot more light-hearted from now. It really might become one of those 'Well-This-Is-What-I-Did-Today' or 'This-Is-What-I-Like'.

And just to start that off... (With NO spoilers for my beloved readers' sake)

TV Shows:
'The Vampire Diaries' Season 4 - A+
'How I Met Your Mother' Season 8 - Are you even kidding me?! I'm so excited!

Albums: (Pretty much by my brother's influence)
Stone Sour - House of Gold & Bones Part 1
Billy Talent - Dead Silence
Mumford & Sons - Babel

All three are incredible new albums that you need to hear. Let me know what you think and if you agree or disagree.

Before I get totally carried away and babble on and on, I bid thee adieu.

Goodnight dear readers!

26.09.2012

Again, while I should be studying, I find myself typing a post. It’s been a while, not for lack of anything to type, but just for lack of anything to type that the public can view.

Social networks, hey? The irony lies in the fact that you probably found this link on some social network or other.

In short, I’m over social networking. In a clichéd way of putting it, it is neither social, nor networking. It bores me. It irritates me. It confines me. It, ashamedly, defines me.

I remember some years ago, I had a friend who took himself off all social networking platforms. At 15 I couldn’t understand why. Now I do.

I no longer count a chat on Facebook or BBM or Whatsapp as a proper conversation as much as I count it as banter. And I am BORED of banter. I’ve mentioned before that I’m yearning for a decent, proper conversation with someone, and how terrifying is it, that months later I still haven’t achieved that. I haven’t been able to sit down with someone and just speak freely, comfortably and openly about anything and everything.

This may be a comment on the type of person I am. I suppose I could sit down and analyze myself, or those of you that know me well enough could do it too. However, for now, that’s not my point.

It terrifies me that everything that I do (as I’m sure many of you guys do too) revolves around my cellphone, or even just merely has my cellphone in the periphery. I ALWAYS have my cell on me. That blinking red light holds preference over all other activities. And I can’t deny that it has held preference over real conversations, lectures, studies, music, and just experiencing NOW. Even as I’m typing this, I see the little light flashing. I stop. I look. I realise that it’s not actually there.

If we were ever worried that robots would take over the world, it is now. It is happening. And we don’t even realise it.

Where I am, what I’m doing, who I reply to and what I’m saying can be tracked by not only me or the person I’m speaking to, but also to people it doesn’t concern. The lack of privacy is astonishing.

I know far too many people who count online conversations as more important than face-to-face conversations. I can’t do that anymore.

Too often, I find, friendships have fizzled because the value and quality of an online relationship is not the same as a real, substantial face-to-face relationship.

I am a hypocrite though. I can bitch and moan for hours, but as I save this, I’ll go back to my cellphone, waiting for the next email, tweet, BBM, Whatsapp message or SMS. My phone will be at my fingertips, not in case someone needs to get hold of me, but so that I can continue to devalue my experience of now.

Though, I will vow to stop looking for meaningful ‘online’ relationships. I vow to keep looking for that real conversation offline and to cut down on my dependence on my cellphone.

Lastly, don’t get me wrong. I solidly appreciate the friends and conversations that I do have on these social networks. It helps to keep us in contact when life gets a little crazy. All I’m vowing to do is not let an online relationship with someone take preference over the offline and real relationship that I could be having with them.

So, please, do not judge me on my social networking. That is not who I am. I will no longer try to project all of myself into an online persona. If you want to have a real conversation with me; if you want to find the real me… come and chat.

Finding Inner Peace

A post by Kip Mazuy off his blog: www.bliss-music.com/inner_peace.htm/

""The mind is always scheming.
Looking for ways to make you happy;
ways to make you feel good.

How you can avoid feeling
the things you don't want to feel
and how you can feel more
what you would like to feel.

There is nothing wrong with this,
it is the nature of the mind.

But it is also how stress is created.

Because there is what is here
in this moment
and there is how you would like
'here' to be.

If you really look
this manipulation
is happening most of the time.

Even when you sit to meditate
the mind is scheming.

The last thing the mind wants to do
is to let go of its control
and experience this moment.

But what happens
if you let go of all the scheming
and simply feel what is here.

Not just in meditation
but in daily life.

If you find yourself
in a situation
where you are confronted
with something you do not wish to feel.

Whether there is a feeling
of loneliness, jealousy,
fear, awkwardness,
whatever feeling is there
instead of letting the survival instinct
kick in and control it, mask it,
distract yourself from it,
what if you simply allowed yourself
to feel that feeling.

If you allowed yourself
to be completely vulnerable
to that feeling.

I am not talking about
analyzing it or dramatizing it
but simply to feel the sensation of that feeling.

To just allow it.

If you allow yourself
to feel what you have been
avoiding feeling
suddenly you are immersed
in this moment
in a way you might never
have been before.

You are so immersed
in this moment,
so open to what is here,
that there is nothing to hold on to,
nothing to know.

And although
it may leave you feeling
completely vulnerable to what is here,
it also leaves you completely
in peace.

If you are completely
surrendered to your experience
of this moment
then you are at one with this moment.

You begin to recognize
the underlying experience of
deep fathomless peace
that is here all the time.

And in this peace you can learn
through practice to remain in it;
to remain aligned with it.

All of the things that you
used to avoid
now become opportunities
to move deeper into peace.

It is the practice
of moving beyond the mind,
beyond knowing
into your natural state.

Blessings,


Kip"

Phobia

Arachnophobia. The fear of spiders. Check.

Ophidiophobia. The fear of snakes. Most definitely.

Acrophobia. The fear of heights. Somewhat.

Omphalophobia. The fear of belly buttons. Not at all. Thank goodness for that!

There are lists upon lists of the random fears that people have. Some are normal. Some… not so much. I know what terrifies me most. Snakes. Spiders. Flying Ants’ Wings (There is no name for that one).

Though, I never thought I’d consider myself Claustrophobic (fearing confined spaces). And I’m not, in the normal sense of the fear. Through me into a small box, sure I’ll want to kick your ass when I’m out, but I won’t lose my mind. I suppose using the term Claustrophobic is an exaggeration, but it’s to get my point across.

Claustrophobic in the sense that I desire, so much, to get out for a while. Just like in the video I mentioned in my last post. To get out and be able to see a full-blown horizon, not the snippets you can see between the houses. Not the open field that you drive past on the way to work or varsity. A full-blown landscape! I’m picturing the bushveld. I’m picturing the mountains. Or the sea. Or even a lake. With FRESH air and no disturbance other than Nature herself.

I guess what I’m saying is that for a while now I’ve felt claustrophobic in the city. I’d love nothing more than a little alone time away from the four walls of my room. Or even having a REAL conversation with a REAL person (no, I have not resorted to talking to imaginary friends JUST yet). So much of our lives are wasted on formalities. I thoroughly miss genuine conversation.

I’ll let you know when this next mission of mine has been accomplished!

Have a fantastic night lovely people.



xxx

It happens sometimes. And, it is in these times I wish I had Dumbledore's Pensieve. Just to draw out my thoughts and put them somewhere, so my head doesn’t seem so crowded. That way I could sit and sift through them one-by-one. I suppose those who have true self-control are able to do this. I assume meditation would help too. I’ve never been very good at that, though I suppose no-one is in the beginning.

Sometimes, I wish I could elaborate more on here, but I can’t bring myself to do that. You’re virtually complete strangers to me, and there is no way I could find it in myself to make myself so vulnerable. Even typing this is taking guts for me. So much so, I’m not sure I’ll end up posting this. But, since it’s all typed, I may as well. We’ll see.

I saw the video for Bon Iver’s Holocene an hour ago, and it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. So beautiful. So quiet. So far away. That is what appeals to me right now. All I feel like doing is going camping in the mountains, maybe near a lake. Making a fire and seeing the stars. It sounds like absolute bliss. Just me and Nature and God. Nothing would make me happier.

I think.

Enlightenment & The Power of Now

I have just read the most amazing post on someone else's blog. It made me smile from ear to ear. It is phenomenal!
Posted by: Kip Mazuy: http://www.globalone.tv/profiles/blog/list?user=08fj1ilcfzenv

"It's very easy
to carry the past
around with you.

To think about what happened
yesterday
or a year ago
or 20 years ago.

To think
you could have done
something different
that would have
made things better.

Or link all of the memories
together into a story
and calling it 'me.'

But it's all nonsense.

What happened
even 20 seconds ago
has nothing to do
with what you are now.

From the perspective
of the mind
you are this person
that stretches back in time.
You are the sum
of all of your memories.

But this is only mental chatter.
It has nothing to do with
what you truly are.

Truly, meaning
not what you think yourself to be
but what is here beyond
all the thinking nonsense.

No matter
what you may think about it,
you are alive in this moment.

Yesterday is not alive;
yesterday is nonexistent.

Right now,
there is the undeniable
sense of life
beyond all the useless
definitions and descriptions.

Right now life is happening
and it is your choice
whether you are alive
in this moment
or you choose
to distract yourself
about endless
commentaries
of what happened before,
what might happen later
and what to call this moment
so the mind can understand it.

If you choose in this moment
to experience yourself alive
then you are radiance.

It is no easy task,
it requires your complete
attention
to remain here
on what is really
going on in this moment.

Not your ideas about
what is going on,
not your knowledge
of what it felt like 10 seconds ago
to be alive in this moment.

But right here;
living is happening,
life is happening.

Not for your body
or your mind
or any of that nonsense.

You allow all that to be
but you look past it.

Something much bigger,
life itself
in its totality
radiating
even exploding
in this moment
with such force
that it belittles
the mind,
belittles
the idea of this
self important 'you'
with all its problems
and desires.

Its not really about
getting a certain pleasure
or attainment
but being alive,
being willing enough
to truly feel life
happening in this moment
and remaining
alive,
remaining
attentive
to the direct experience
that life is happening
forever and ever
in this moment.

To remain immersed
in the source of life
that is lighting up
the whole show.

And if you even
think about it
you miss it.

If you know it
you miss it.

It is too simple
for understanding.

Too close to you
to even be seen.

You can only be
and recognize being,
which are really the
same thing.

You fully recognize
being in this moment
and there is no
room for anything else.

Consciousness
takes up the whole view."

Peace and Love to you all <3